Notifications: the new Heroin? now with a analysis by ck

Well, let me first clear my own name by admitting my guilt. There are very few things more gratifying than coming home from a long day of school, and having 8 new notifications. Not only do you feel cool and popular that someone would take the time out of their day to write an inside joke on your wall, or comment on your status, but you temporarily feel the adoration of what it's like to be an IV celebrity. From observations and data, I have concluded that the corner house has developed a unique system by developing witty, humorous, shocking, or disgusting status updates which have been coined "Noti Blasters." Now a noti blaster status update is not simply a single comment or 'like' but must produce by itself 7 or more notifications.

The history of the noti-blaster can be tracked back to the night before floatopia, when Mitro posted the now infamous:

Which resulted in an astonishing 11 notifications. After that, it was game on. The whole concept caught on and it became a game of sorts who could produce the obtain the most notifications. There were some statuses that were planned out months in advanced, including one of mine "Duncan has been participating in mustache March all month and no one even noticed." All though the timing of this post was impeccable (Sunday afternoon--when everyone is 'studying at the library) its noti-blaster potential was sabotaged after Jimmy commented "what about asshole hair April?" There were also times of desperation like when DerDer's status literally read "NOTI-Blaster" which recieved no more than three purely sympathetic notifications.



Nonetheless, our theory of the addiction to notifications has expanded outside the Corner House Crew, and thanks to many hours of research we have finally found an equivalent to a noti-blaster status update for girls: A 'modeling' default. Yes, girls may be even more insecure then us. Rather then using their wits, they convince mommy or daddy to pay for a professional photographer to shoot awkward poses of them in swimsuits on the beach, or in fine linens in the middle of the forest. Let me just rant here for a minute:





YOUR NOT A FUCKING MODEL.
A simple justification as to why our noti-blasters are simply better than theres is that we get an eclectic assortment of responses. As for the girls, there always the same...


I'm not really sure where i was going with this whole theory, just thought I'd throw it out there.
(from here on has be edited and added on by ck and does not necessarly represent the views or opions of deezy)

a good start to the post dk but...I think while you data mining and research is impecable, you missed the most important part: research and conclusion. after a preliminary analysis here are my findings:
'noti blasters' are merely our generations attempt to deal with social isolation of internet friendship and the slow demise of actual human contact. Due to the abundant number of human friends the corner house residents have, they are able to use the 'noti' in jest. However, to the average facebook user, the 'noti' is their way of generating value from fake social relationships with other internet boxes around the globe. One could view "notifications" as the new "social currency" of our generation. This point is especially emphasized by the increasing number of companies using social networking sites to generate buzz, hype, and ultimately "notifications" about various events, products or people. For a perfect example of this see Redd Bulll's facebook page. The real problem here is a shift away from the importance of quality and meaningfulness in friendship or social relationship, and a movement to a sort of numeric accounting system where more equals better. Ultimately, this is merely a symptom of a greater societal problem, in which all decisions are based not off of human intelligence, gut instinct, or experience, but instead numeric analysis which must justify all decisions. Essential to increase the share holder's value and add value to the company...So in order to combat this evil that has descend upon I propose the following: a shift towards quality over quantity. That's all I got for now. I'm going to sleep. (feel free to add onto my analysis or disagree)