DISCLAIMER: Keep in mind that my intention is simply to entertain the masses by exploiting you, not to hurt your feelings. It is the nature of my curiosity and observant behavior that I was gifted with the talend to know everything about everyone. If anyone is hurt by anything I say come to room 6 and I'll make you a Quesadilla and give you a hug.
PS. If anyone outside of SB has any juice AKA if D-hunt gets down in the hot tub with some black chick wearing a swim cap and floaty's and you happen to have picture evidence, you know what to do Goose. Hitcha boy up. Also if Viski happens to witness or partake in a crazy European orgy I would also like to get a BBM or text with some details. Miss ya bud.
First Column-
At 6am on Veterans day last week I was awoken to my 3G vibrating louder than Aliesha's dildo that Ari found in his couch last year. As I peer out of my covers I first glance over at my homie DK looking softer than Mr. Cunningham himself whispering Jeapordy trivia in Danielle's ear. Upon staring in disbelief I turn to my Iphone to receive a picture message from none other than Todd Rodgers himself. As I open the text I hear a loud shout.. " You got it baby! A daily double!" As I try to pretend that statement was never said I open the picture text to this...
"Hey Jims, while everyone else is celebrating Veterans day I'm going to disguise myself as a beaner and sneak around old town Goleta yelling VIVA LA MEXICO BITCHES!"
- Todd's behavior has become increasingly bizarre ever since that text
The other day as I was walking around the house, I noticed Todd in his swim trunks and goggles standing in the middle of the chapter room. As I approached Todd to inquire about his activity he whispered in my ear, " Did you see that last episode of South Park?" I replied that I wasn't an avid fan of the show and although I had heard about it I had not seen it. Todd was of course talking about the Whale hunters episode.
Todd began explaining to me that he had joined a group of whale hunters last week to hunt Blue Whales migrating to Costa Rica to give birth. Before I could catch my breath to utter my honest disbelief of this atrocious act Todd was about to embark on, he sprinted towards the door.
Continued:
Several hours later as I was returning home from the gym to work off the 9 pounds Mitro is making me lose I wandered into Todds room to the sight of this.
As the room became busy and attention was drawn from the tire exchange Todd looked up at me with sheer chaos in his eyes and muttered, "Looky here Jims, today I killed a whale, today I killed a whale."
- And then it hit me. Todd was Killing mother natures largest and most beautiful ocean creature to benefit the lives of Hipsters. Whale skin makes great tires. Cheers!
**So that is all for this week my friends. Tune in next week.
Good luck with the Red Bull stuff CK!
ps. Think of this Column like the onion news.
As Purell capitalizes on flu season and Obama is changing shit, I leave you with music ..
Arcade Fire - Wake up
Cold War Kids- Audience of One
One last thing.. Check this pic of Landy and Hirsch nakkkiiidd.
3 comments:
whoa whoa whoa jimms. I already had one of those songs on my itunes. that is not a good sign...step up your music game
im coming over for that quesadilla right now
*nekked.
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